6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
