I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How external is "for external use only"?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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