My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
