just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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