I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
