i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
