The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
