I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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