walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
