is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
