Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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