You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
