I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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