Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
