I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
