Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
