I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
