the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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