So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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