If that was your dad, he is hot
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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