Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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