Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
