why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
