Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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