Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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