There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
