this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
