There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
