I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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