I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
