You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
