Swine flu. Run for my life!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
