Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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