He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
