"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
