I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
