so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
