I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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