so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
