In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
