One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
