I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
