the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
