I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
