You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
