Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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