Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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