I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
