i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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