She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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